Recovery For The Rest Of Us: Real Tools for Families of Addicts and Alcoholics
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What Is The Practice Of Imperfection?
When Letting Go Still Includes Parenting
Expectations—they’re all in your head
por Dave H
What is the practice of imperfection? Finding Serenity. Losing it. Finding it again. Dave H. has been in every seat at this table. He grew up in a home shaped by addiction, abuse, and secrets. He became an addict himself. He got sober, and has spent the years since not only staying sober but learning — slowly, imperfectly — how to live. He found Al-Anon when he realized that sobriety alone wasn't enough to bring him peace, and that the people he loved most were teaching him something AA couldn't: that serenity isn't the same as survival.
No perfect combination of rules, vigilance, consequences, and midnight worry can manufacture willingness inside another person. That limit can feel unbearable to a frightened parent, especially when the child is still young enough to need protection and old enough to resist it.
There’s an old saying that “An expectation is a planned resentment.” You could substitute “planned disappointment” just as well. I have my own definition for the purposes of dealing with unmet needs in a relationship. Expectations are (often) unspoken, one-sided agreements that cannot be satisfied by another person.
Changing ONE word will open up your understanding of the Serenity Prayer. AND—How honesty, open-mindedness and willingness correlate to The Three A's (awareness, acceptance and action.)