Rivertales: A Riverdale Podcast
Temporada 3
por Samuel Karie
In this episode, we talk about Minnesotan accents, whisperings of sex, Zoom fog, prepaid minutes on your phone, unpacking Archie’s narcissism, wondering how much a baby is, shooting people to activate their trauma powers, and a game of Riverdale writer’s room (product placement edition). .
We’re more zen in this episode talking about time travel powers caused by trauma, John Henry, Tabitha being the actual pure heart of Riverdale, some murky fascist undertones, Kevin’s stache looking good, Betty’s totem being a bobby pin, Pops’ Y2K eyebrows, how Riverdale is just turning into Charmed, and a blink and you’ll miss it revelation caught live on mic.
We are fired up this episode as we bring up Katy Keene yet again, Spontaneous Human Combustion, Gilmore Girls entering the Riverdale universe, the return of Veronica’s blonde wig, a Birdbox reference in 2022, trauma and puberty creating superpowers, everybody having a friend with all the answers, and where is all the palladium?
In this week’s episode we have completely abandoned TBK’s storyline, Percival selling Girl Scout Cookies, Veronica writing out her lines ahead of time, our new group name: The Powerpuff Girls, Elaine’s mystery snack, Abigail using the Internet, wondering why Kevin suddenly wants to be a dad, how being held at gunpoint by your mind controlled lover is romantic, the logic of Jughead’s powers, and Percival is… from England.
n this episode we talk about the Cole Sprouts GQ interview, Penelope maybe being dead, Mommie Dearest references, Kevin and Jason fighting for more than 10 lines, Cheryl’s dreamscape logic, Archie’s Kiwi goblin inner voice, being gaslit into forgetting about TBK’s storyline, everyone having a colonial backstory, Veronica’s millisecond character arch, Percival being a literal ghost, and we pay tribute to our dearly departed Earl.
In this episode we talk about hamburgers being kryptonite, Kevin being a mime, a confusing sniper chain, another Doritos placement, being cavalier about dismemberment, a failed guess at TBK’s identity, a pro-dog fighting moment, and Jughead’s Live Laugh Love.
We’re finally back after 3 months without Riverdale and boy does this one deliver! We’ve got explosions, witchery, hearing loss, gang violence, superheroes, palladium, and evil twins? We also talk about how much money we would spend on Riverdale DVDs, plus a game of KJ Apa is a Weirdo!
A crazy meta episode with so much going including alternate universe names, a tangent about Noah Centeneo, yet again predicting the storyline, David Archetty, kissing your doppelgänger, Vughead being “canon” (barf), questioning if the Reggie’s kiss, needing energy to kill your son, and the craziest deus ex machina ever conceived that led to us losing our minds.
In this double feature episode we talk about Chowsy Cheddars being an orphan, the disappointing Sabrina cameo, Betty’s love language being stabbing, an hour-long Marry the Night performance, Cheryl’s immortal life not making any sense, how the Rivervale universe has an impenetrable logic, the writer’s room being a bunch of kindergartners, no one being able to read contracts, and a soup-er fun game of Soup, Salad, or Breadstick.
From the looks of this episode it seems like someone on the writing staff has a bone to pick with women, but we also talk about going to the doctor for a wet handprint, ghosteses, Dagwood gets a line, getting a neck rub from a demon, confessing you love someone after moving in together, somehow aliens making more sense now, and we guess who’s gonna die next.