Look, if you came here for a healthy, emotionally mature show, you absolutely clicked the wrong thing. We start with breaking “news” about Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note like Mikey is CNN, then immediately derail into roasting Ian’s $20 couch mic until he straight-up disappears from the show like a pissed-off lesbian Bigfoot.

From there it somehow turns into dragonflies jetting water out of their asses, and a very real discussion on how your partner’s nut allergy can actually kill them via, uh… extracurricular activities.

We get voicemails about poop semantics, hair-based crime strategies, and confessions about whether body shots count as cheating if your junk is “in the zip code,” and then wrap it all in Florida stories featuring church bathroom creepers, coked-up fire chiefs, and a guy stealing a car just to drive it to the cops.  ...