Life by Design

por Jessilyn and Brian Persson

Mastering the Power of Agreements Part 2

Hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson dive into Part 2 of their examination of agreements in this episode. Last episode they addressed what agreements are, why they’re needed, and how they work. In this episode they get deeper into agreements by discussing what default agreements are, what happens when an agreement is broken, and why agreements should be reviewed regularly. As always, Jessilyn and Brian lead with examples from their own life experiences. Default agreements are firstly defined as agreements that come about without discussion and are not intentional. They form out of default actions done by one or both partners. Jessilyn and Brian explain why the assumptions behind default agreements can lead to frustration and broken communication. They explain how agreements can be made about any topic in which there is contention or possible miscommunication. Intentional agreements made following their Discover Define Design framework let each person in the relationship explain themselves and their wishes. Agreements, however, do not caretake themselves. Jessilyn and Brian share how to fix a broken agreement and why ongoing revisions are necessary. — Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design — Transcript Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:09] Welcome to the Life By Design podcast with your hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson. We work with professional couples to help resolve conflict and elevate communication within their relationship. Brian Persson: [00:00:20] We are the creators of the Discover Define Design framework, which supports you in resolving conflict and communicating better. Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:28] Our topic this week is Agreements Part two. If you recall last podcast we discussed what are agreements, why do we need them, and how do they work? This week we're going to cover what are default agreements, what happens when you break an agreement, and why should you review agreements on a recurring basis? So Brian, what are default agreements? Brian Persson: [00:00:50] Default agreements. They're a danger. That's what they are for your relationship. Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:55] Yes. Brian Persson: [00:00:56] Basically a default agreement is something where you haven't openly discussed it and actually intentionally chosen that to be your agreement within the relationship. It has happened by default. So whether it's through some irritation that you've created an agreement within your relationship or whether it's through just actions that were going on in your relationship, like for us driving. By default, I drive the highway driving and by default you drive the city driving. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:30] Sometimes it's also assumptions from the other partner, right? Like I assumed you knew when the garbage was overflowing and you just take it out. Brian Persson: [00:01:39] Yeah. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:39] And that default did not work. Brian Persson: [00:01:41] Yeah. The default agreement was that I was to empty the garbage. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:45] Yes, but you did not. Brian Persson: [00:01:47] No. But the the parameters, bec

Mastering the Power of Agreements Part 1

Hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson introduce the topic of agreements in this episode. Agreements, as defined by Jessilyn and Brian, are a negotiated course of action in relationships and they should cover any major decisions made by you and your partner. They are a key tool in aiding communication and avoiding conflict. The three main points that Jessilyn and Brian lay out in Part 1 of their talk on agreements are 1) have an agreement for all major decisions, 2) have an agreement for who is responsible for what decisions, and 3) have an agreement on when and how to communicate. They give detailed examples of how each point works in their own relationship to aid in communication and ease in negotiating household and business demands. Agreements, however, shouldn’t become set in stone so that they begin to affect the partnership negatively. Jessilyn and Brian also talk about flexibility and returning to their Discover Define Design framework to ensure agreements continue to serve your relationship as they were intended to. — Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design — Transcript Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:09] Welcome to the Life by Design podcast with your hosts, Jessilyn and Brian Persson. We work with professional couples to help resolve conflict and elevate communication within their relationship. Brian Persson: [00:00:18] We are the creators of the Discover Define Design Framework, which supports you in resolving conflict and communicating better. Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:26] This week our topic is on agreements. This is part one of two series. So, agreements. Brian, what are agreements? Brian Persson: [00:00:35] Yeah, agreements are a negotiated course of action. In our case, we're talking about relationships. So it is negotiated between a partner and a spouse. And to give you a quick example of like an agreement that we've created, it is with driving. With driving, it has to do with you driving in the city because you have motion sickness if I drive, um, not because I'm a crazy driver, but because you just react and I drive on the highways for all the long vacations and trips that we go on. That's a typical agreement that we've come into within our relationship. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:14] Yeah. One of many agreements. So in terms of agreements, I mean, there should definitely be an agreement for any major decisions you and your partner are having, right? Like buying a house or a car. Where are you going to go on vacation, if you plan on changing jobs or starting a company, starting a family is a huge discussion you should have. Is that, would you agree with that? Brian Persson: [00:01:34] Yeah. Agreements are huge. They literally come into every part of your life everywhere you can imagine, you will find agreements. And the better that you can get at discovering those agreements, defining what they are, and then as our structure goes, Discover Define and Design, and design the new agreement, the better your relationship will get. Because once you have an agreement in place, there's no more unknowns. So whether it's a big decision or a little decision, agreements will always come to your rescue and save your relationship from any kind of conflict you might have. Jessil

Discover Define Design: Create Structures & Take Action

Hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson explore the third principle of their Discover, Define, Design Framework, Design, in this episode. Design is the culmination of the first two steps, where you’ve discovered an issue and defined what’s wrong and now need to take action to design a solution. So Jessilyn and Brian talk all about creating solutions and adding structures for success into your situation. The three main points that Jessilyn and Brian have grounded Define in give structure to their advice and revelations. First, they ask what immediate actions you are committing to based on the Design, second, they ask what structures around the Design will make it successful, and third, they urge exploration of the different tools available to help achieve success. Within these baseline takeaways, they explain how Design works, what structures to look for, how they used the framework in their own lives, and suggest apps to assist you in moving your solution forward. It’s a key episode on how to take immediate action to improve the conflict where you started. — Resources discussed in this episode: SMART goals Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design — Transcript Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:09] Welcome to the Life by Design podcast with your host Brian and Jessilyn Persson, where we help professional couples resolve conflict and improve communication within their relationship. This episode, we're going to focus on Design. As the creators of the Discover, Define, Design Framework, we are taking you through the Design piece of the framework to help you with any of the conflicts you have in your relationship, to help resolve and improve communication. So Design, this means creating or imagining a new solution for your situation, and adding structures that will allow your situation to succeed. Brian Persson: [00:00:44] That's right. So as per the last couple episodes we walked through Discover and Define. Those are how to explore the emotions of the situation and also uncover the facts of the situation. And we, in those episodes used a situation we had in the past, which caused a lot of tension and that was taking out the garbage. So we're going to carry forward with the Design principle of the Discover, Define, Design Framework around taking out the garbage. So one of the first questions that we ask is what immediate actions are you committing to based on your design. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:25] Yeah. And on that, so the solution for me was to have you, of course, take out the garbage before it overflowed, and preferably without me having to ask. So the immediate actions for that situation that I contributed to was agreeing to tell you if I saw the garbage overflowing in case you weren't around seeing it and asking you to put a item in your calendar to remind you that you need to take out the garbage. Brian Persson: [00:01:58] Right, yeah. And we really lean on trying to get our Design to be immediate. So the actions that we are going to take towards anything we're going to create into our future, we really aim to have it as a quick solution so it can't, you know, wait a couple of years or wait a couple months, whatever it might look like to start acting on that design. So

Discover Define Design: Take Away the Emotion & Discuss Only the Facts

In this episode of Life By Design, hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson explore the second principle of their Discover, Define, Design Framework: Define. They share that Define is all about the facts with the emotion removed, and they illustrate how it works by continuing their taking out the garbage example from the Discover episode. Jessilyn and Brian have three main points in their Define principle that are laid out in questions that each participant in the conversation should ask themselves. What is and is not your fault? How could this situation be looked at if you accepted full blame? What biases or filters have you unconsciously applied to the situation that color your ability to hear the other person? They explain how to apply each question, what benefits the questions provide to dealing solely with facts, and discuss examples from their own lives. Define takes us deeper into the framework of rebuilding effective communication and avoiding blowouts. — Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design — Transcript Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:01] Welcome to the Life by Design podcast. We are your hosts, Brian and Jessilyn Persson, where we help professional couples resolve conflict and improve communication within their relationship. As the creators of the Discover, Define, Design Framework, today we're going to work you through Define. If you recall our last episode we talked about Discover in there and helping you resolving your conflict and improving communication. So we are going to move on to Define and we're going to work from the story we used last episode about the garbage, and we're going to carry it through so you understand the framework from start to finish. So what does Define mean? This is where we're going to talk about the facts. And only the facts. Take out all emotion and talk about exactly what the situation is. So moving on to our garbage story, Brian. Brian Persson: [00:00:54] Yeah. Taking out the garbage. That was a real trouble point in our relationship at one point. And what was the situation? The situation was that I would let the garbage overflow a little bit because, you know, professional couples, we're both busy, we have a lot of stuff going on, and the garbage would just get a little too full. And what would that do for you, Jessilyn? Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:19] Infuriate me. Brian Persson: [00:01:22] Yeah, she would get mad. She would not tell me. Other situations would start to arise and and things would just go sideways. Yeah. All around the situation. So what we figured out is that if you can really remove the emotion from the situation, it's not bad to explore the emotion - that's what Discover is about - but now with Define you're really removing the emotion from the situation. So to do that you need to ask yourself some specific questions. And one of those questions that we ask is what is or is not working about the situation? So for you, Jess, what was working and not working for the situation? Jessilyn Persson: [00:02:09] Yeah. When you took out the garbage, I was happy. But when you didn't, it would get really angry and I would let it fester. What also wasn't working is that I didn't communicate that to you. You had no idea that it was really annoying me and it was making me angry. And then

Discover Define Design: Explore your Emotions & Triggers

In this episode of Life By Design, hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson talk more about their Discover, Define, Design framework for improving communication, especially between professional couples. They break down the first tenet of the framework, Discover, and talk in-depth about how it works using examples from their own life together. Jessilyn and Brian explain Discover as a normal conversation but without blow-ups. Instead, their Discover conversation is based around key questions that each party can ask themselves, or each other, to keep conversations concise and constructive. The goal is to get the heart of what is triggering the upset and what lies we might be telling ourselves about our part in the conflict. Jessilyn and Brian use the example of taking out the garbage, an everyday kind of argument that most couples can relate to, as a before and after to illustrate how their Discover principle helped their communication. Their honest revelations and insights borne from experience will benefit any interaction where conflict is blowing up without healthy communication. — Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design — Transcript Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:01] Welcome to the Life by Design podcast with your hosts, Brian and Jessilyn Persson, where we help professional couples resolve conflict and improve their communication inside their relationship. Brian Persson: [00:00:11] Yeah, so this is our second episode of the Life by Design podcast. And the last episode we talked more about our history, how we got here to this table and why we're kind of doing what we're doing today with this podcast. But going forward, we're looking to actually start to piece out the framework that we call Discover, Define, Design and what we use to help couples, professional couples specifically, resolve their conflict and communicate better. The first part of that is Discover. So we're going to go into the Discover side of things for this podcast. So Discover is basically kind of like a normal conversation. But as you and I know, normal conversations can go very sideways very quickly. They can go on way too long, they can go on in somewhat negative fashions. And so what we've done is we've come up with a series of questions that you can ask yourself or each other and keep that conversation short and not experience conversation fatigue. So can we... you have an example you love to use all the time about how we how we communicate together. And it's very relatable to everybody else here too. So what is that example? Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:34] Taking out the garbage. Brian Persson: [00:01:36] Taking out the garbage. Yeah. So it was a real stressor for you at one point in our relationship. Yeah. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:42] It was. Yes. Brian Persson: [00:01:43] So tell us about, tell us about why. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:45] So as I mentioned in our first episode, I wasn't always the best communicator. And by best, I mean I didn't ask or say anything at all. But earlier in our relationship, the garbage would overflow and I would get so frustrated every time I had opened the cupboard and see the garbage overflowing. I would just like steam inside. And I'm like, why isn't he taking out the garbage?

Introducing Life by Design

Welcome to the inaugural episode of the Life By Design podcast. Hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson introduce you to their reason for creating this podcast by sharing their personal relationship story. Through that story, Jessilyn and Brian delve into the tools they learned to strengthen their own communication which they now want to share with you through these conversations. Jessilyn and Brian each tell their side of their professional story, the ways they used to function in their previous jobs that contributed to burnout, disinterest, and tension between them. With striking honesty, they each reveal what part they played in adding to that tension, and why it was so difficult to communicate effectively. What they learned through career change, self-development, and disciplined communication techniques ultimately brought their relationship to a much stronger place. It gave them the tools to ensure the tension doesn’t have a chance to grow because they are too regularly sharing their thoughts and struggles with each other. This podcast is all about Jessilyn and Brian’s Discover, Define, Design Framework, and teaching us how to implement communication tools in our own lives. — Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design — Transcript Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:11] Welcome to Life By Design podcast. We are your hosts, Brian and Jessilyn Persson. This is the first episode of our podcast, so we're going to share a little bit of our history and why we chose to do this podcast and do what we do now. Brian Persson: [00:00:25] Mhm. Yeah. And throughout the podcast series that we're going to record here into the future, we are going to talk a lot about all the tools we picked up over the years. We're going to share a lot of our stories. We are going to give you all of the experiences that it took for us to get here today. So for this first episode, we are going to go over that history. So Jessilyn, talk a little bit about your professional couple life and why you wanted to get here to this table and help professional couples solve their problems and and resolve conflict, communicate better. Let's hear your history. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:06] Absolutely. So I am a senior project manager, a mom of two. And throughout that I found our relationship, it had its ups and downs, with us both being career-focused people, different careers, trying to manage what we have. And as time went on, I mean, the hurdles we went through and the pains and the illnesses, I would love to help other couples avoid that if possible, or the solutions and tools we have help them to get through it if they're currently in it. And that is kind of what brought me here today. How about yourself? Brian Persson: [00:01:43] Very similar. Yeah. I worked in the tech industry for a long time, had a really good career, definitely had those golden handcuffs on me for a long time. And but eventually, you know, you just start to look at your life and you start to realize that there are things that are missing. And cracks start to show up. And recently, recently a few years ago now for us, we both really looked at those cracks and we figured out exactly how we were going to go and solve them, remake them, whatever it looked like. And so that ended up in this podcast, that landed us here today to share all thos

Trailer: Life by Design

Life by Design is a podcast that shares the experiences and tools you need to start living the life you desire, free from indecision, anxiety, and compromise. — Contact Jessilyn and Brian Persson | Discover Life By Design: Website: DiscoverLifeByDesign.ca Instagram: DiscoverLifeByDesign Facebook: Discover Life By Design Linkedin: Discover Life By Design

6 de 6