Parenting Your Parent: Alzheimer’s Costs, Burnout, and Finding the Humor with J. Smiles
🎙️Carrie On! Show Notes: When J. Smiles’ father died suddenly, her mother’s dementia accelerated from grief-induced trauma into a rapid decline. Overnight, J. went from touring comic and multi-hyphenate professional to full-time only-child caregiver—and discovered just how broken (and expensive) the system is. We talk candidly about the $900 Alzheimer’s medication with insurance, the IRS flagging her for “money laundering” while she was literally paying for mom’s care, why “balance is a farce,” and the improv rule that saves her sanity: “Yes… and.” If you’re in the sandwich generation, this one will make you feel seen—and give you scripts, steps, and a little laughter to carry on. Caring for an aging parent with dementia is messy, expensive, and heartbreakingly human. Comedian and caregiver J. Smiles shares how her mom’s symptoms accelerated after her dad’s sudden death, the $900 med shock, getting flagged by the IRS while fronting care costs, and the improv rule that keeps her sane: “Yes, and.” Hot Takes & Aha! Moments 1. Sticker shock is real: “One of my mom’s Alzheimer’s meds—with insurance—was $900.” 2. Paperwork > panic: The biggest early crisis wasn’t money—it was access to money. Power of Attorney and health directives would have prevented months of chaos. 3. The IRS might call (seriously): Moving funds to front costs for a parent can trigger flags. Keep records; get legal docs before you need them. 4. Balance is a myth: “It’s not balance—it’s being on call forever.” Permission granted to stop chasing equilibrium. 5. Improv saves caregivers: “Yes, and…” in your head. Don’t argue with dementia—join the moment, redirect for safety, and look for humor. 6. The best helpers aren’t always family: Angels often come from neighbors, church, or a brand-new agency owner who’s “been there.” 7. Self-care that’s not cute: A doctor telling you “At this rate, you’ll die before your mom” can be the wake-up call to change everything. 8. The hardest grief: The body stays the same; the mind slowly leaves. That’s why denial hangs on—and why humor matters. Memorable Quotes: “I was effing furious. If I’m catching hell with connections, what happens to people without them?” “Balance is a farce. You’re either on call or asleep.” “Always say yes in your mind. Don’t fight the disease—redirect it.” “The person looks the same for a long time—but their mind is leaving. That’s the grief.” Guest: @jsmilescomedy | jsmilescomedy.com | parentingup.com Sponsors (from this episode) Two Peacocks Travel — Transformative small-group adventures for women: https://www.twopeacockstravel.com/ RFC21 — Progressive consulting and expert witness services in public child welfare: https://www.rfc21.com/ Disclaimer: This show is for storytelling and information only; not medical, legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. 💬 Loved this episode? If J. Smiles’ story resonated with you, help us reach more caregivers by following, liking, and subscribing to Carrie On! on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify. Your support amplifies these conversations and reminds every caregiver—you are not alone.
