Trump has finally weighed in on the Nevada toupee controversy, insisting the wind blew his hair up "so hard, so hard" that a wig would have flown clean off — an argument that's either surprisingly convincing or a full confession. Meanwhile, the President gives America an unprompted spelling lesson on the word "dumb" while workshopping a new nickname for Democrats, JD Vance says he wouldn't be shocked if the Antichrist is already walking among us, and Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick claims there have been zero American deaths in the Iran war — eighteen service members have died.

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