In this deeply moving episode, Ivan speaks with Shelley Brunskill-Matson about grief, suicide loss, purpose and our fundamental human need to know that we matter.

Shelley was only 12 years old when her father, Tony, died by suicide. Decades later, that experience became part of a much larger mission: helping children, young people and families affected by suicide loss receive the care and support they genuinely need.

Shelley shares what she learned through her PhD research with bereaved tamariki aged six to thirteen. Her central finding was powerful: children experience care as truly supportive when it reinforces that they matter. They need to be seen, heard, offered choices and recognised as active participants in their own grief—not simply have adults decide what is best for them.

She also discusses the creation of Tony’ ...