Welcome to another episode of “647,” where your morning news comes with a side of sangria and a sprinkle of satire. Chuck’s serving up the ‘647 Tapas Bar’—bite-sized news morsels for those who can’t stomach the mainstream buffet. From Disney’s latest “Kumquat” conundrum to government shutdown threats that would make even your WiFi nervous, we’re skewering the headlines with a wink and a nudge. This week: Secret Service vs. rogue SIM cards, “Crying Chucky” Schumer’s shutdown shenanigans, and the world’s most dramatic courtroom pen attack (spoiler: it’s not a new Netflix series—yet). We’ll also diagnose “Disney Duality” and “Reprobate Mind Syndrome” in the wild, and ask: can a Convention of States save us from the eternal grift? If you like your news spicy, your commentary irreverent, and your truth with a twist of lemon, you’re in the right place. ...