Words For The Deaf
Temporada 1
Sweet Dreams Make Sad Days
Fucked Myself
Never Mine
Every Song I Sing
Remembrance
Transparent Leyes
You Laughed As I Cried
You Never Felt Great/i Never Felt Good
City Streets
Kill Me Quick.
1 de 2
por C.J.
Sweet Dreams Make Sad Days is about waking up from the most wonderful dream, only to realize it was just that, nothing more than a dream. The story is based on a dream I had after I met up with my ex shortly after our breakup. In the dream I woke up on a sunny morning with my ex straddling my sprawled out body. In the dream my ex pleaded to get back together with me. It was one of the best dreams I've ever had. When I actually awoke the happiness lingered as fantasy and reality intertwined, but eventually it all came crashing down. I was left with nothing more than a sore reminder of what I once felt.
Fucked Myself is a short piece about making a simple mistake in bed.
Never Mine is about being so infatuated with a significant other that you feel as if they are so high above you. In my relationship this lead to a silence between the two of us, despite him being "such a talking piece". "Talking piece" having two meanings, firstly that he was extremely talkative most of the time, and secondly that trophies tend to be talking pieces. The silence between us was caused from a feeling I had that anything I said was not worthy of being heard by him. The story as a whole is about the realization that I treated him poorly, where I was so worried about messing up and losing "the trophy" that I didn't treat him as a real complex person with relationship needs. This gradual development in the story can be seen through the change from talking about him as a prize, then as a talking piece (see double meaning), and finally as a man.
Every Song I Sing is about how songs can remind you of those in your life of which you care for. As people and relationships change you may start noticing a change in the different types of music you hear them in. Based on Vienna by Declan J Donovan, a song about "blossoming young love" that came on shuffle while I was half asleep.
Remembrance, on a basic level, is about having a fall out with someone and noticing changes either with yourself, your outlook on life, and or the places you once visited together. "I've spent too much time following this happy trail, despite knowing it would just lead south" has multiple meanings in this story. One interpretation is that it is about a hiking trail once shared with an ex that either quite literally points south or isn't as pleasant as it once was before the breakup. Secondly, the line can be taken as a metaphor for a doomed relationship. It is worth noting, however, that "happy trail" is also a reference to the hair growth below their belly button. The interpretation of this introductory line will dictate your overall perception of the story, with lines such as "On the brink of the forest". "Now Forgotten and Overgrown, the sun hasn't shined since you left", and "I comb through this forest".
Transparent Leyes tells a simple story of rejection by a former lover or romantic interest. Despite the narrator being told "We cans still be friends", he knows deep down that they are lying whether they know it or not. The spelling of "transparent leyes" shows that the narrator has looked through the romantic interest's eyes in order to search their soul and find that they are lying to him. This is also a reference to corneas being transparent. Our narrator then pleads for said romantic interest to "hold up a mirror", and to look into their own eyes, in order to see the truth that he sees. While said romantic interest is looking into their eyes the narrator also hopes they envision what could have been. Throughout the story the idea of vision and site is played with. Examples of such are "thinly veiled promise", "transparent l-EYES", and "search your soul". This theme is referenced again with the narrator loosing his site at the end of the story. Not only is the narrator not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but he cannot see the tunnel either. This is a cheeky little play on the fact that if taken literally, a blind person not only wouldn't see the light, but also couldn't see a tunnel. However, figuratively the narrator has lost hope for the relationship and or life in general.
You Laughed As I Cried is about my own struggle with self worth post breakup. Immediately after I got broken up with my ex was attempting to show me gratitude for how considerate I was with the breakup and with how responsible I was in the situation, but hearing my ex say the breakup was easy messed me up a good bit. The audio at the end of the recording is cut from one of the few videos I have of my ex speaking. Within the context of the original video the audio clip is lighthearted and playful, but when placed into current circumstances the audio clip takes on a different tone all together.
You Never Felt Great/I Never Felt Good is about the disappointment I had upon having sex the first few times. I wrote this piece to bring awareness to the sometimes ugly side of sex, so hopefully others won't feel so alone as I did. Upon my first several sexual experiences I was left disappointed not only with said experiences, but with myself as well. In society sex is constantly held on a pedestal for how sensual it is. Furthermore, men are shown as sex addicts, and virgins only last a minute their first time. During my early experiences the sex I did have was rather dull, and I found it hard to reach climax. This left me feeling alone, concerned, and frankly emasculated, hence the line "Am I even a man?". I felt so alone on this issue that I was convinced there was something wrong with me, which can be seen in the change from "There must be something wrong with me" to "There is something wrong with me". The first upbeat energetic part represents the physically lustful side of sex. The second and slower part represents the emotional romantic side of sex. The third and silent part represents not overthinking both aspects. Cutting off the music in the different parts show my disappointment with the previously mentioned aspects of sex represented in the music. Lastly, I want to make it clear that the the line "You never felt great" is not about some supposed responsibility my significant other had to pleasure me. Said line in conjunction with "I never felt good" references the fact that I could not pleasure my ex. The line "I never felt good" does however reference my disappointment, but that is a disappointment I claim as my own.
The idea behind City Streets stemmed from my distaste for larger cities, and how I often do not feel comfortable in that setting. However, the narrator in this story is that of a homeless man rather than myself. The narrator starts with two rhetorical questions, the second question being "How do you suppose a star can shine through a cityscape skyline?" This line references the fact that in a bright city the stars may be dimmed in comparison. The line can also be taken as a feeling of hopelessness that the narrator has found himself in. Later on the narrator speaks on how the homeless are often ignored or overlooked, "Here I stand, just a face in the crowd". The narrator then goes on to ask forgiveness and dreams of "jumping into bed with a single motion". While this line could be taken as the homeless man dreaming of a comfortable bed rather than "shitty city streets" there is another interpretation. The second interpretation being that the man wishes to end his life by jumping into bed, aka the shitty city streets of which he sleeps. Despite the change in narration my sentiments are echoed throughout. One example is the uncomfortable feeling of being so small while skyscrapers loom over you. This is represented in the line "...the monoliths mock me for my mistakes".
Kill Me Quick echoes a similar sentiment to Transparent Leyes in the sense that they both regard a fall out between two individuals and the possible salvation of what once was. The difference between the two being that in Transparent Leyes the narrator knows the relationship is over or has convinced themself pessimistically that it is. In Kill Me Quick the narrator is unaware of what the future holds for their friendship, and just wants an answer no matter what it is, even if it hurts them. The line "I can’t live today not knowing tomorrow, and I can’t die tomorrow not living today" emphasizes the urgency and speaks to the idea that the narrator can't live their life when they're worried about the future of the friendship, and they can't die not living their best life. Kill Me Quick compares the feeling of uncertainty with the future friendship with that of a hanging. The most blatant comparison being "You walked away and left me hanging", which can be taken as a literal hanging or the narrator being left without an answer on the future. Other references to a metaphorical hanging can be seen in "It’s all so suffocating" and "find me in my tear-stained sheets". When the narrator states "you put the knife just out of reach" there is a reference to self harm, but the knife can also seen figuratively as being the only way to break free from the hanging feeling. The narrator then asks their friend to "cut me down or cut me off", to either kill what they once had or save them from the suffocating feeling. Lastly "One of us was supposed to kill the other" is a direct reference to The Gun Song by Car Seat Headrest, a band that got me through a hard time and influenced me to write and make these productions