What are gay men actually craving in bed—and why doesn’t porn, hookup culture, or Instagram perfection satisfy it?

In this deep, honest conversation, sex and relationship therapist Tom Bruett (he/him) sits down with porn performer, intimacy coach, and podcast host Vance Hedman(he/him) to talk about authenticity, masculinity, porn myths, body shame, loneliness, sobriety, and the kind of intimacy gay men are starving for—but rarely taught how to ask for.

We explore why so many gay men feel disconnected from their bodies, why “being hot” doesn’t translate to good sex, how porn quietly trains us to perform instead of connect, and what real pleasure actually looks like when safety, slowness, and consent are centered.

About Vance:

Vance is a certified somatic practitioner based in Toronto, Canada. With a ...