The Desire Question

The Desire Question

por Dirt Media
LibrosRelaciones
Temporada 2
Every kind of life ft. Rachel Khong
Laura Federico speaks with author Rachel Khong about her new short story collection, My Dear You. They discuss the Susan Sontag quote: “What I really wanted was every kind of life, and the writer's life seemed the most inclusive” and how it’s really about desire for experience. The conversation moves through the book's central themes: midlife reckoning, ambivalence about parenthood, and the pandemic's role in forcing a confrontation with mortality and limitation. Rachel describes writing as a way to metabolize rather than resolve these questions, and fiction as a tool for approaching self-judgment with more compassion. *** My Dear You by Rachel Khong Rachel's web site The Cycle Book by Laura Federico *** 03:49 — Is it better to desire or to be desired? 05:53 — The Susan Sontag quote: "What I wanted was every kind of life" 06:22 — Sliding doors and midlife 09:28 — Writing as compassion for what you're struggling with 15:00 — Social media as desire machine 16:24 — "Trying to become yourself in a time when it's so easy to be somebody else" 18:00 — AI and imposed technology 24:36 — Aliens, ghosts, sex dolls, and God texting all of humanity 29:00 — The pandemic paved the way for AI relationships 32:14 — Courage isn't the absence of fear: choosing curiosity alongside it 35:21 — Wendell Berry's creatures vs. machines
T2 · E4
5 jun 2026
37:30
Appetite and autonomy ft. Alicia Kennedy
Host Laura Federico speaks with food and culture writer Alicia Kennedy about her new book, On Eating. They trace how meat has long symbolized masculinity, power, and American abundance, and why we have the ability to create social change through food. They also talk about sibling grief and the role her brother plays in the book. *** On Eating by Alicia Kennedy Alicia's newsletter Tomato Tomato The Cycle Book by Laura Federico *** 01:00 — Thinness as purity culture 03:39 — The desire question: Alicia answers as a Scorpio 05:00 — Loving the world while doubting collective will to change 08:09 — "No ethical consumption under capitalism" as a convenient excuse to stop trying 10:32 — Eleven Madison Park and RFK Jr.'s food pyramid 17:19 — Why unlabeled plant-based food works and why labeling it vegan usually doesn't 20:16 — The ruthless omnivore as boys' club entry ticket 22:35 — Women on social media performing hunger while visibly restricting 27:29 — Writing about sibling loss 31:09 — Moving to Puerto Rico and critiquing tourism *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T2 · E3
23 abr 2026
34:32
Know yourself first ft. Gina Gershon
Actress, singer, and author Gina Gershon talks about her new memoir AlphaPussy: How I Survived the Valley and Learned to Love My Boobs with Laura Federico, psychotherapist and host of The Desire Question. Gina resists the idea of AlphaPussy as a guidebook, saying the real message is to know and be honest with yourself. She turns the tables and asks Laura about sex in this climate of swipe culture, sex robots, and a shrinking appetite for soul connection. The episode ends, as the book does, with a rallying cry for self-knowledge. *** AlphaPussy by Gina Gershon The Cycle Book by Laura Federico *** 02:31 — Is it better to desire or be desired? 06:01 — Gina tells a younger woman who couldn't confront a harassing guru: "Until you can do that, you're always gonna be in a subservient position" 07:38 — "Some people say follow the money, but I say listen to my gut" 08:00 — Growing up without social media gave Gina an advantage in reading people 11:37 — Gina describes being so empathic she sometimes couldn't leave the house 12:54 — "People are scared, and you know what? They should be. It's a weird time." 13:32 — Gina asks Laura: are people's sex lives diminishing? 14:26 — Sex robots, swipe culture, and the shrinking soul connection 17:21 — How the book actually came together 18:36 — The gap between what we say we want and what we actually believe 21:28 — To thine own self be true *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T2 · E2
6 abr 2026
22:26
Is hunger the price of desire? ft. Tanya Bush
Tanya Bush—writer, baker, and author of Will This Make You Happy?—joins Laura Federico to talk about hunger as a form of desire, and why being hungry can feel more alive than being satisfied. They discuss appetite as self-knowledge, the younger self Tanya writes toward in the book, and how desire once drove her toward baking, romance, travel, and reinvention all at once. *** Will This Make You Happy? Cake Zine Laura Federico The Cycle Book *** 04:33 — Is it better to desire, or be desired? 05:36 — Appetite as self-knowledge 06:07 — Writing toward her younger self 07:24 — Baking, Italy, and wanting everything 09:08 — Making pleasure by hand 13:07 — Hard doesn’t always mean meaningful 14:06 — Tuscany and the fantasy of transformation 15:02 — The “intern in paradise” trap 18:30 — Compassion for the former self 19:40 — AI in baking and writing 20:15 — Why community still matters 21:30 — What’s real online anymore? *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T2 · E1
25 mar 2026
23:55
Temporada 1
“The power position in art is the place of indecision” ft. Laurie Stone and Richard Toon
Laurie Stone and Richard Toon—writers, artists, and married partners—join Laura Federico to explore desire as a creative force and the relationship between vulnerability and art-making. They discuss why desiring is more pleasurable than being desired, the etymology of desire as "wishing for what the stars would bring," and how writers must create space for readers without needing anything from them. The conversation moves through the dangers of self-expression versus art-making, the role of embarrassment and failure in honest writing, and how gender constricts experience. They reveal the surprising emotional dividend of their recent marriage after years together, and why looking bad on the page is essential to good art. *** Laura Federico The Cycle Book Laurie's Substack Richard's Substack Their Vows Column *** 03:17 — Is it better to desire or to be desired? 03:35 — Richard on being a desirous person all his life 04:01 — The etymology of desire: "to wish for what the stars would bring" 06:41 — "Desire fulfilled is desire destroyed" 08:00 — How Substack closes the loop of reciprocal desire 09:40 — Teaching readers how to read you over time 12:10 — The narrator can't need anything from the reader 16:02 — Writing as "coming and going rather than beginning and ending" 16:43 — When readers misidentify the project 18:07 — "Welcome to our generation"—on constriction in younger writers 19:18 — The human condition: "the little naked ape trying to make sense of it" 21:19 — Art-making as more like making shoes than self-expression 23:40 — "Looking bad is the best thing in the world for art" 28:26 — How Laurie proposed 29:27 — The marriage dividend *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T1 · E5
19 dic 2025
30:23
We're all really mysterious to ourselves ft. Ling Ling Huang
Grammy Award-winning violinist and acclaimed author Ling Ling Huang joins host Laura Federico to explore the tangled relationship between envy, desire, and creative life. From unwanted projections as a child prodigy to discovering her bisexuality later in life, Ling Ling discusses how she moved from being passively desired to actively desiring—and why that shift changed everything. They dive into the intersection of envy and love in female friendships, betrayal as a creative catalyst, the torture and liberation of jealousy, and what happens when you finally achieve the thing you've been choking on bitterness to reach. Plus: AI as confessional, pregnancy mysteries, Luddite parenting, why friction makes music (and relationships) worth experiencing, and how showing up—even when it hurts—might be the most radical act of all. *** Laura Federico The Cycle Book Ling Ling Huang Natural Beauty Immaculate Conception *** 04:13 — Welcome to Ling Ling Huang 04:45 — The central question: Is it better to desire or to be desired? 06:12 — Traveling alone as a young violinist and inappropriate adult attention 07:17 — The active versus passive nature of desire 08:10 — The torture of envy as a human experience 09:14 — Competitive music conservatory culture and coded critique 10:24 — When her best friend cheated with her boyfriend 11:45 — The continuation of love after betrayal and stepping back as an observer 13:01 — Showing up even when it's painful 15:25 — Writing as a "baby writer" and wanting everyone to talk about envy 16:44 — "Choking on the bitterness" 19:05 — Debut anxiety, goalposts, and comparing yourself to other authors 21:00 — The mystery of our bodies, especially in pregnancy 27:23 — Using ChatGPT as a confessional space 29:12 — What happens when human relationships have more friction? *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T1 · E4
11 dic 2025
31:42
You can have it ft. Rachelle Toarmino and Aidan Ryan
Aidan Ryan and Rachelle Toarmino—two award-winning writers who are also married—join Laura Federico to explore desire, ambition, and creative partnership. They discuss the ecstatic "adrenaline rush" of making art, the relationship between absence and wanting, and how they navigate power dynamics in both their work and relationship. From Rachelle's viral poem "You up?" to Aidan's examination of his aunt and uncle's art world journey, they reveal how desire evolves from abstract wanting to deep connection, why intimacy matters more than fame, and what it means to think through writing as two people building a life together. *** Laura Federico The Cycle Book Rachelle Toarmino Hell Yeah You up? Aidan Ryan I Am Here You Are Not I Love You *** TIMESTAMPS 05:14 — Is it better to desire or to be desired? 06:23 — Desire as the engine of creative work 07:51 — The relationship between absence and desire 08:53 — Desire vs. ambition in the life of an artist 10:00 — Aidan's early encounters with publishing and fame 12:32 — The discomfort of being desired and misinterpreted 13:24 — Rachelle on rejecting careerist poetry tracks 14:56 — "I want to be read because I want to be felt and understood" 16:59 — What ecstasy feels like when writing a poem 18:21 — How Aidan and Rachelle met 21:41 — "Our understanding of our desires improves as we age" 22:06 — What changes as the relationship evolves 23:46 — The intimacy of direct address in Rachelle's poetry 25:15 — Finding the out-loud voice of new poems 27:07 — The story behind "You up?" the viral Tumblr poem 29:38 — Gender roles in creative relationships 33:41 — Power dynamics beyond patriarchal stereotypes 34:52 — Where desire and power intersect *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T1 · E3
2 dic 2025
35:16
Not all suffering is meaningful ft. Stephanie Wambugu
Laura Federico sits down with Stephanie Wambugu, author of the critically acclaimed debut novel Lonely Crowds, to explore the intimate relationship between desire and suffering in the lives of Ruth and Maria. Together, they unpack the complex dynamics of Ruth and Maria's decades-long friendship, examining how childhood shapes adult patterns of longing, the shadow Catholicism casts over pleasure in the novel, and why penance becomes inextricable from passion. Stephanie shares her perspective on trauma narratives in fiction, the problem with making suffering too tidy, and how secular life leaves us without clear pathways for moral absolution. *** Laura Federico The Cycle Book Stephanie Wambugu Lonely Crowds *** TIMESTAMPS 04:49 — Why Stephanie believes desiring is better than being desired 06:21 — Ruth's patterns of desire and reenactment in Lonely Crowds 07:58 — Remembering vs. forgetting: The responsibility of memory 08:31 — Pop psychology and the trauma narrative 10:45 — How we narrativize traumatic events through language 17:12 — The compelling unavailable person 18:52 — Ruth as Maria’s acolyte 24:10 — Secular life and the search for moral absolution 25:08 — Religion as organizing principle in times of collective pain 28:37 — Mental illness without metaphor 32:01 — Why novels can hold unanswerable questions *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T1 · E2
27 nov 2025
35:01
Parallel timelines ft. Erin Somers, author of The Ten Year Affair
In this episode, sex therapist Laura Federico (The Cycle Book) talks with novelist Erin Somers, author of The Ten Year Affair, about desire inside long-term relationships, the fantasies we carry, and the secret inner lives that shape us. Erin’s novel is a sharp, funny, emotionally rich portrait of two parents navigating forbidden desire across parallel timelines. This conversation unpacks both the psychology and the cultural moment behind it. *** Laura Federico The Cycle Book Erin Somers The Ten Year Affair *** TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Welcome to The Desire Question 05:50 — Affairs and the Arrival Fallacy 08:20 — Polyamory: Gentrified Cheating? 12:45 — Who Am I When No One Needs Me? 19:00 — Nothing Forbidden, Nothing Fun 29:15 — Rejecting the Ballerina Farm Industrial Complex 31:00 — Broccoli Mom, Patron Saint of Chaos *** Our music, Hit Her Up, is written by Nakisso Peralta and performed by Chillers.
T1 · E1
21 nov 2025
32:44