Tonight on Redneck News with Knot Johnny Cash, panic erupts after the First Baptist church van mysteriously disappears during Wednesday night potluck — along with three crockpots, a folding table, and Miss Brenda’s famous banana pudding. Meanwhile, a backyard armadillo racing league gets shut down by county officials, and deputies respond to a heated family argument involving a bounce house, a riding mower, and twelve pounds of smoked bologna.

Knot Johnny Cash delivers the only news brave enough to ask the important questions: Why was the church van found behind a fireworks stand? And why did somebody spray paint “FORGIVEN” across the side?

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