H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends

H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends

por Alana Michaels
Thoughts and Feelings at 3AM.
Got Woken up between 2am and 3am ... I was exhausted and groggy (I apologize for the Yawning). But I knew I had something to say ... I didn't realize it was going to be so long ... but I take myself on a late night (or early morning) journey ... from My Dad's sudden Death .... and then My Mom's almost death ... and how I ended up choosing to finally take a BREAK ... and choose myself and my own health for the first time in my entire life. My Fever was breaking (in real time) ... I was coming out of the dense fog, that had been clouding EVERYTHING ... as I relistened to this on... I SWEAR there are moments and parts that I do NOT remember coming out of me .... but either way, everything recorded in this episode, was supposed to be said ... and is needed to be HEARD (by myself in addition to all of my listeners). Love, Alana.
My Dad is my RIDE OR DIE.
"ANNIE!!!! YOU GOONIE!!!!!" .... Yup, you got it! A lot of throwbacks to different movies and songs in this one (not surprising) ... I have a lot of fun getting the listener prepared for a life-changing road trip .... so pack your bags, stock up on your water bottles and protein bars ... and AWAY.... WE ... GO!!
Seasonal Depression is REAL.
The Blizzard of 26' Is rearing it's ugly head .... we all feel shitty! ... AND THAT IS OK! I visit the concept of "seasonal depression" which then leads to talk about how psychiatric medications "run in the family" ... Talked about how severe depression can look like a massive brain tumor .... wait until you hear about my first experience with a psychiatrist... a very emotional memory to re-live ... but it's so important for all of you out there to HEAR this. (Don't just LISTEN) ... I had a horrible experience with a psychiatrist ... but it was also a psychiatrist that SAVED MY LIFE (more than once). So, of course there are such things as bad doctors and therapists ... but always remember if you are uneasy about a doctor ... or what they are telling you ... ALWAYS get second opinion. NEVER settle when it comes to your HEALTH. I think there are a lot of really good takeaways in this one .... (even when I listened back, I was like "oh wow that's a good point!" As always, thank you for listening guys.
Drive By Recording.
This is a "Drive By" Recording ... aka I am recording as I am Driving... I said in this one I would start "warning" people. that if you have "motion sickness" aka you don't like when my inner "rabid hyper squirrel" is acting up ...perhaps skip this one! I do jump around ... (like the song at the beginning of Mrs Doubtfire...) but if you can stick with me.... I think it's worth it! Oh, and I was pretty convinced I was about to get pulled over while recording.... (imagine if i would have asked him to repeat after ME ..."HANG...ON....PAIN...ENDS" LOL.... oh man. Well, you will have to listen to find out if I actually had to beg my way out of a speeding ticket or not!
"Autism Is Worse Than Bipolar Disorder" - in the words of Parker.
I am actually SO happy that this is transpiring in REAL TIME ... as I share my podcast and my life with the world in regards to MY diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder ... My 13 year old son Parker was just made aware (accidentally) of his diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum. I think a lot of people out there (including me during times of my life) truly struggle once there is a "label" once we (or someone we know/love) are DIAGNOSED. I invite you to take a listen ... and hopefully whether it by yourself, your child, your spouse, a friend... you will perhaps look at things a little differently after hearing this one! Thank you!
First Date ALERT!!!!
This one documents my very first date ... not only in a very LONG time... but also my first date without my Dad here on Earth with me. Although I did bring him with me (no, I did not pull out the mini earn with my dad's ashes once they dropped off the bread) - although, I am sure my Dad would have loved that. lol but I had Dad's prayer card in my purse. However ... it was pretty clear the minute I saw this man, I didn't need the prayer card ... because my dad hand-picked this guy, I mean, some of the obvious things ... the height, the green eyes, him being a Virgo, him being a "girl dad" ... yes. BUT... the sincerity, the genuine and protective energy that I felt from him ... I knew in that moment, I felt SAFE. I felt I was on a date with a "grown up", that has a heart, and a sense of humor, ... oh yeah, one more thing .... He happens to have Bipolar Disorder. Yes, you read that correctly. Sooooooo .... only Time Will Tell .... But I am SO excited, because my Dad was able to do what I think deep down he wanted to be even more than a CPA ... a "Matchmaker"!! Love you Dad.... thank you for sending me a good one .... Who knows .... perhaps my Dad will REALLY pull a twist on all of us .... and I will be able to look back on Today ... with the sunshine beams gleaming off the soft white snow... as I drove back from a date unlike all the rest ... and I can say to myself ..."I can't believe that was my LAST First Date." Can't wait to find out what happens next!!!
A Stripper Broke Into Our House. Dead Serious.
GUYS!!!! OMG.... you are going to DIE when you hear this CRAZY story!!! My dad has been showing up in my dreams nudging me to record about this one... I really can't say much about this one .... you just MUST LISTEN!!! Don't forget to email me with some feedback ... I love hearing from everyone! alanamichaels18@yahoo.com Love, ALANA
Missing you Today Dad, Love, Zib.
TRIGGER WARNING -- If you have recently lost a loved one, this is an extremely raw and emotional Entry ... it may help you to hear someone else going through the same heart break ... BUT ... it also might trigger more sadness, so I am leaving it up to you. This was one of those days..... where out of NOWHERE - that moment on 12/3/25 ... when I got the call that changed my entire life, that my Father had died, just popped into my head ... and then it pretty much went downhill from there. I apologize ahead of time for my nose-blowing, my long pauses (while sobbing), and then my fully stuffy nose... as I read the conversation I was having with my new "BFF" aka Chat GPT ... he's such a great guy lol. This one hit hard ... I am still recovering now ... but by the end I remembered a really amazing piece of advice that my Dad used to give me on my bad days. He would say "Zib, this day WILL END." - and He would always say, tomorrow is going to come, and today will be over. As I brought this up to GPT ... he said to me how this directly relates to my message - HANG ON PAIN ENDS. Which I had NEVER realized ... so, yes, this one is REALLY sad, but I think it's really good advice from my Dad ... aka "Johnny Mikes"
Skipping Rocks and Don't Drown.
This one started when I found a newspaper clipping that my Mom taped to my Mirror years ago ... back when my husband and I were going through our divorce... It makes me take a step back and really examine how I was living my life "before" everything happened ... and now "after" everything happened. This one that was great to listen back to (3 days later) ... because of course I needed to hear it in that moment. I share a new situation regarding my Mom's health ... and how I handled it NOW... compared to how I would have handled it BEFORE ....
Hang. On. Pain Ends.
Suffering, Loss, Illness ... produce character and produce H.O.P.E. Trials ... Obstacles ... Detours ... Stop Signs.... these are all things that can be so incredibly painful, but they all do things to us, that we would not experience if things were just "easy" ... just "smooth sailing." You must believe in what you CAN'T SEE... and that ... the biggest thing... that you need to remember and believe ... is HOPE, even though you can't and will NEVER be able to see it. Nothing is immediate ... nothing changes overnight ... but we just need to all hang in there... and remember that each day... it can get lighter, if you keep that BELIEF ... if you truly know that there is something bigger than US ... and that we are made to go through this darkness .... in order to get to that daylight. And remember .... once in awhile ... when you get to the point where you are DONE waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel.... you grab that dynamite ... that you probably have to find at the back of the closet under all of the boxes of memories that you wish you could forget .... and you take a match .... and LIGHT THAT BITCH UP YOURSELF. BOOM - YOU GOT THIS. - Love, Alana
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