We scanned 2,700+ headlines so you didn’t have to.

Today’s scorched route through the wreckage includes:

A mass shooting in a Manhattan office tower, A jet fire escape in Denver that looked more theme park than emergency, and a country that still lets Trump pretend he didn’t know Epstein...

In other news, Denmark becomes a destination wedding funnel for foreigners, Thailand revives colonial cosplay, and somewhere in Mexico, someone’s dressing the dead for export.

Stellantis gears up for tariffageddon, and you’re still doomscrolling. The smoke? Yeah, it’s coming from inside the algorithm.

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